The comfort of anonymity

September 22, 2011

Thank you for the comments after my post.  It really does help.   It is amazing how people you have never met, will likely never meet can give you the kind of comfort no one you know can give. It makes it easier to say things, to acknowledge the truth. To put it out on “paper”. That and therapy.   Going to a therapist once a week really helps.  I feel much better after my session last night.  The pain, anxiety, despair are all a little less so I can breathe easier.

So what do you do when you are feeling a little better?  I try to be productive and go through things.   Chris is was a packrat (still make the present tense slip) and it is taking a long time to go through his stuff.  I only really started in earnest this summer.  I have given away books, and sporting equipment.  Going through his stuff is awful.  It makes me determined to simplify my life and limit the amount of stuff I have so that when someone has to do this after I die (that is sad too, not knowing who will care about my stuff when I die as I “belong” to no one).  I have done a will and intend to set up an account sheet that will make it easy to deal with the finances. Knowing what it is like to have to clean up after a sudden death, I don’t want to leave a mess for others.

Morbid, yes.  Practical, yes.  One of the many new perspectives I have gained since Chris died. 




2 Responses to “The comfort of anonymity”

  1. megan Says:

    I don’t find that morbid at all. You are going to die, whenever that is, and caring enough about the person who has to Organize what’s left behind is thoughtful and practical. Even for someone with very little stuff (as matt was) sudden death clean-up is still hectic and stressful. Matt felt that “peopIe would do the right thing” if he died suddenly. Well – surprise! People freaked. Knowing that, I am far more direct about what goes where, in addition to paring down and organizing. I rather like Order. Not that I will care one bit where things go, just that no one should need to do clean-up after I’m out of here.

  2. Mandy Says:

    I know that being “productive” feels good sometimes, but always, always be gentle with yourself when it comes to the “stuff.” I have dealth with Hudson’s stuff in a very piecemeal fashion, a tiny bit at a time and only every once in a while. Any more than that would be unbearable. Her closet and two drawers in the dresser are still full of all her little girl clothes. They may stay like that until we leave this house. And that’s OK. If feeling productive is helpful for you, but dealing with Chris’s things is too painful, just find another way to be productive. I know for a fact that you knit beautifully. 🙂 Don’t feel forced to do anything before you are ready.

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