A silly, but sad thing

June 3, 2011

So one of the myriad things I miss about living my life with Chris is watching tv with him.  During the week, we watched tv more than we probably should have, but it was what we did.  We came home and raced to the couch to cuddle and relax.  Our last night together this is what we did. 

We loved discovering new shows and watching them together.  Making jokes about them and silly traditions around them.  It makes me so sad to watch our shows alone.  It makes me sad to start watching a new show and not share it with him. 

It seems so silly to me intellectually, but my heart hurts over it. It highlights the loneliness that is now my constant companion.

I can’t talk to him about how Lily is finally pregnant on How I Met your Mother or talk about the crazy season finale of Castle.  Some shows, like West Wing, I will never be able to watch again without Chris. 

I guess the good thing to take from this would be to not watch so much tv.  That hasn’t taken yet, I can’t handle the quiet of the house, so I leave the tv on most of the time. 

I would give anything to be laying on the couch with him right now.  Watching Franklin and Bash for the first time.  Spooning.  Talking about whether we like it or not.  How Mark Paul Gossler will always be Zach Morris.  I would give anything to have that back.


3 Responses to “A silly, but sad thing”

  1. Veronica Says:

    I know exactly what you mean. It took me forever to watch Friends again, cause that was basically our evening tradition: snuggled on the couch watching tv together before bed. I can’t do it alone now.

  2. Mandy Says:

    It is certainly the most ordinary of moments that are the hardest to live without, M. I am so very sorry that you must endure it. I am still here and still reading and still thinking of you.

  3. Desi Says:

    Just came across your blog, and just want you to know that I think this was beautifully written. It’s the little things. I hope you find peace.

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