And then I was sick ….

May 19, 2011

The night before the anniversary of Chris’s death, I got sick.  The last year of stress and pain finally took its toll.  It wasn’t anything serious, but it sapped me of energy while I was fighting the pain of the anniversary.

I am just now dragging myself out of the fog.

I had been bracing myself to get sick since Chris died. I read all sorts of books and pamphlets that say your immune system is very compromised during grief . 

Being sick without Chris was hard.  He always took care of me when I was sick, and not having him to pamper me, made me feel so lonely and hopeless.  How will I go through a lifetime of sickness without him?  How will I go through aging and potential fatal illness some day without him?  I will have to be a burden on someone else, impose on their good will.

I know these are silly things to think of, but I do think of them.

I am feeling mostly better, but could probably still use a few days of uninterrupted rest so I can kick the cough and get my voice back (I lost my voice over two weeks ago and it still isn’t fully back)

Anyway, I have been thinking about all the other widows and widowers out there the last few weeks and wishing everyone some peace and a way to ease their loneliness.

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