Basement update

March 24, 2011

WARNING:  This is not an uplifting as a post despite my hopes I could write one. 

The basement renovation is coming along.  The sheet rock is up.  It looks completely different down there.  It makes me sad.

It makes me so sad that Chris will never get to enjoy it.  That our children will never get to play down there.  That most nights, it will be me sitting down there alone.  It seems like such a waste. 

Some friends have seen it and are really excited. But it is the” trying too hard to be positive” excited.  Like they think having the renovation done will somehow fix me.  I know they are tired of seeing me in pain and they want the old me back, but it annoys me because their lives have gone on and mine is over.

I am anxious about when it will be done, because then what.  What will I do then?  Move around furniture and redecorate?  I guess so, but I can’t muster up any energy to care. 

I have to pick things out and I spend more money than I should because some part of me things it will make me feel better, or maybe it’s that it doesn’t care, or that I just want to do something, and picking the more expensive option of tile is something.  I was never much of a spender so it is very odd for me.

Our rehearsal dinner. I cared then. I cared a lot.

 Sigh, I really do feel like I am backsliding.  I feel so hopeless, anxious, afraid, alone, depressed … blah blah blah.  You all know the drill.  And everyone wants me to be better, and I don’t care.

One Response to “Basement update”

  1. Lisa Says:

    The grief gets harder before it gets easier to live with. Hang in there. It’s okay not to care (about the basement, for example). Some things that used to seem so significant now just seem so trivial, don’t they.

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