It has been a long week

January 17, 2011

It started out with another loss.  My grief counselor left, she moved on to another job and I will miss her more than I expected.  Having our last session was very sad.  I didn’t expect it to be so hard.  It may sound silly, but I had been seeing her since about a month after Chris died.  She had been there for me since the early days.  She always had an open, compassionate ear.  I feel she knows me better than anyone else.  It affected me more than I thought it would. 

I admit it, I have abandonment issues now.  Whenever anyone I love leaves I get upset.  I remember oh so painfully how I said goodbye to Chris on our doorstep, as usual, and never saw him again alive.  So having to lose my counselor’s support, has sent me down another path of feeling like I have nothing I can rely on or count on.  She was the one person I knew would understand, not judge, not try to fix me, but would listen and empathize and validate my feelings.

We were both very upset and cried when we said goodbye.  I will forever be grateful for her.

I met with someone she recommended for me. I am not sure about her.  We will see.

On top of that everything else has seemed very exhausting. I have been trying very hard to take care of paperwork and  trying new things that might help and I am tired. Sadly I have to work tomorrow and have a very busy day.

Plugging along.

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