Widow Brain

December 16, 2010

I had a post laid out in my mind that I was going to write tonight, but I don’t remember it now.  This is what I call widow brain.  It is characterized by forgetfulness, lack of attention, inability to focus, and general reduced functioning.  It is written about in most grief books, but that doesn’t do it justice. It really permeates everything.  I use to have an amazing memory, now entire events and conversations don’t even ring a bell.  I have to write everything down, and I mean everything. I walk into one room to do something and then in the 10 feet to that room I forget what I was doing.  It is so annoying. It makes me feel like such a waste of space, half a person.   

It is part of the overall, overwhelming feeling of not knowing what happened to my life.  Who is this person I see in the mirror? I don’t recognize her. I am pretty sure Chris wouldn’t recognize her.  She doesn’t recognize Chris either.  It is all disconnected and jumbled.  Dark and clouded.  Far and quiet.  Cold and empty.

So among the many losses that are a result of Chris’s death, my mind is one of the hardest.


2 Responses to “Widow Brain”

  1. Laura Says:

    I just wanted to send some hugs to your hurting heart. Praying that you see some blessings during this difficult Holiday Season.

  2. widowedowl Says:

    Thank you for the hugs and prayers, I need them. It will help keep me upright.

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